I always tell the girls, never take it seriously.
If ya never take it seriously, ya never get hurt. Ya never get hurt, ya always have fun...
And if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
A New Case for MPL, FPW
Miss Penny Lane, Fashion PoliceWoman, that is...
So far, this is one of my easiest cases ever--didn't even have to reach for the 'cuffs. Simply put, the guy is handsome, well groomed, and dressed really well--a real silver fox! His wife (see platinum wedding band) is lucky; however, said wife should have told silver fox that there are only 2 or 3 occasions on which you're allowed to wear those pants:
1) the office holiday party 2) a jcrew catalog shoot 3) a wedding in scotland on december 24th
here are my two favorites from gold cup. i know it is gold cup, but these outfits have WAY too much going on. with a few tweaks, a can of lighter fluid, and a match, these people could have been saved. now i'm not saying my outfit woulda won any prizes, but i'm a catty bitch so sue me. actually, my dream job has always been to be a FPW (fashion police woman); i've spent a LOT of yrs working in different areas of the fashion industry, so it isn't that much of a stretch. i would never be mean, i would only give tips, and i would LOVE it. maybe i can start a new show with tim gunn. MAKE IT WORK! and a couple of me & my friends (feel free to rip us apart).
vonkie had won the previous bet--i'm trying to steal her winnings from her boob.
it's a freakin' miracle that this is just a reenactment of kris at past gold cups. and he didn't streak or get arrested this year!
my baby-baby, MPL, and our dear friend hoval (his name is daval and he uses a cane; daval + hobble = hoval!)
in ~annie leibovitz ~jeopardy (partly to feel smart, but mostly to mock trebek) ~vanity fair (i'm still on the earth issue--it takes a long time to get through those suckers!) ~chuck klosterman (he will always be "in") ~bassett hounds ~big tippers at Johnny's (and the hot bartender who deserves it) ~watching that hot bartender plan our trip to spain ~being #40 on fafarazzi's top chef game! out of 1386--woot. :)
out ~the cyrus camp's denial & the whole controversy in general--enough! ~this cold rainy crappy weather ~putting the word "day" after "set-up" in outlook ~never hearing back from the WMATA (they usually respond with some amusing bullshit) ~the lawsuit with rob lowe and the nannies ~tom cruise on oprah ~those awful barilla pasta commercials ~my nasty feet in desperate need of a pedi ~the angie stone song where she names every black person she can think of. here's my take--put a beat behind it: shalom out to all my Hebes--all my Jewie Jews out there! my zionist bitches! hail hillel, ya a-e-phi's! holla to the sammies and the japs with the nose jobs! to the MOT, i say "nu, baby! put me in your movie!" my last name be schulie. oy... we have ben gurion and yitzchak rabin, brandeis woulda loved shabbat with amanda peet! bugsy siegel, yo, all the arquettes, mel brooks! ben stiller! woody allen! joe lieberman! hank azaria, golda meir! next year in jerusalem with jon stewart and gene simmons...shalom and out.
hey, the beastie boys are all jewish, so it ain't such a stretch, but my point is that the angie stone song sucks almost as much as my version. xoxo,MPL
P.S. favorite quote from the office this week:
"stanley is a beautiful sassy powerful black man..."
Runners Up:"sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts when kids are mean to her at school" "pam has clearly given up trying." "leave me alone dammit. did i stutter?"
Reason #5 for Penny Lane to love her job: Setting the voicemail to "evening" and taking the whole office to stand in a .5 mile line for free cone day.Jerry famously said "If It's Not Fun, Why Do It?' Indeed, Jerry. Indeed. Above is Pnut and the Rebel Mormon Wife.
Oh, and by the way, Mike Symanski is a Jewish Samoan Wrestler...more on that after Gold Cup.
xoxo, MPL
P.S. have you ever felt like the elephant in the room?
bro-in-law and 'vonkie came over last night: guitar hero, bambu, flashdance, and some good drinks; fun times for all!
omg, this mylie cyrus thing is ri-dic-u-lous. i mean, c'mon! it's vanity fair, and it's annie freakin' liebovitz, and miley cyrus is 15, and she's extremely photogenic, etc. seeing as mylie is a minor, i am SURE her parents and/or management had to sign off on whichever photos went to print and, as you can see from exhibit a on the left, this photo was not taken with a child laid out on a bed or naked in any way that you haven't seen her before. she's wearing more than i am now and i just got home from work! (go here, item #1, to see the actual photo that is causing all the fuss.) everyone needs to suck it up and move on, and look at the outfit she wore earlier this month (item #2) at the CMT Music Awards. um, i can't rock that frock, nor could i when i was 15, so hail to mylie--you go, girl. own it! although the photo causing all the controversy is an undeniably beautiful portrait (not the one above, but the one referred to above as item #1), publishing that particular photo right now may not have been the best decision on anyone's part... and the shot/pose may have been manipulated, or the whole thing could be a publicity stunt from either camp--who cares?! LET. IT. GO. the statement mylie made just exacerbated the whole thing and made it 100x worse. you know what? this is a business. that photograph and the 5 million hits VF got before noon today (that, my friends is no hyperbole--that's a fact) did wonders for mylie cyrus and her career. she didn't get caught with an ounce of coke. she wasn't drinking and driving. and so far, no tape of her getting f*&%$# by rick solomon has surfaced on the 'net. today, april 28th, 2008, 89x more people know who miley cyrus is than did yesterday, april 27th, 2008. no joke. the photo above is mylie during the shoot that garnered the controversial shot. personally, i think the one on the right is down right hot, and i want that dress. thanks to vanity fair for letting me blatantly steal their photos.
how i met your mother. watch it. i agree with neal patrick harris 110% (also see here)--how i met your mother doesn't need to resort to stunt-casting for ratings; ding dang, y'all, this show was already great and wasn't hurting in the ratings when brit guest-starred. i sometimes (always) hate when my favorite song becomes everyone's favorite song, but i definitely don't hate it when my favorite show becomes everyone's favorite show. it gives me hope that other people "get it." y'dig? case in point: i feel connected to people who love friends as much as i do. it means we get the same joke. i feel connected to people who love "best in show," "waiting for guffman," and "a mighty wind" as much as i do. it means they get that kind of humor; people who don't get that kind of humor are missing out. i love people with whom i can speak in mostly movie quotes. it means we have the same pop-culture experience--we're of the same cloth. ;) hyperbole, anyone? all i mean is watch how i met your mother; i think you'll like it. try to start from the beginning before ya start watching brand new eps. this goes against everything upon which my PhD is based (my dissertation, "why the first seasons of all long-term sitcoms suck," is oft-quoted in Ivy League courses), but how i met your mother is actually best seen from point a.
enough for now--it's all happening, and we're missing it!
xoxo,
MPL
P.S. missing you, lou! hope it is sizzling in miami b/c we're swimming in rain water here. you deserve only the best!
This is not my bus. No, that's the 38B bus--it runs from G'town over Key Bridge to Rosslyn in the evening. I know this because when I am waiting for the D5 to go home after work, the 38B comes by every 5 freakin' minutes. The Little Blue Bus, which also goes over Key Bridge to Rosslyn, comes every 10 minutes in the evening. The D5? Oh, Lordie--maybe every 20-30 minutes tops?? Yes, I am one of the lucky few who relies upon the D5; a rush-hour, one-way-only route, the D5 runs into town along MacArthur Blvd to M Street from 7 a.m. to 9. a.m, and runs outta town via M Street to MacArthur Blvd from 5:00-6:45 p.m. That's it folks--other than at those times, that bus does not exist. The D5 is a phantom. The following, which should speak for itself, is the 4th or 5th complaint I've written to the WMATA since I've lived in the Palisades (2 yrs 1 month).
Neither the 8:31 nor the 8:58 D5 ever came to 4474 MacArthur today, and I don't think the one scheduled before did, either. What happened?? The D5 is a rush-hour only bus; when the last two of the morning don't show up, people are stranded on their way to work. I had to take a $15 taxi, and I was quite late. It is unacceptable that the operator with whom I spoke at 8:51 a.m. could not give me any information on the where-abouts of our buses.
On the up-side (I am a glass 1/2 full kinda gal, y'know), I got to spend about 40 minutes reading the Green Issue of Vanity Fair, in particular an article about the polar bears. Fantastic article, especially poignant on Earth Day. Also, on Sunday night Kurty and I watched Expedition Alaska and a few other great shows on Disco. I was feelin' earthy this week, especially as someone I knew is being returned to the earth. Figuratively, perhaps not literally.
Speaking of Earth Day, what do you do to help save the earth? I unplug my cell-phone charger when I'm not charging my phone. I turn off the water when I am brushing my teeth. I recycle as much as I can (not at work, ahem...). And I don't drive a car (as you can tell from the above D5 debacle). I do turn on a lot of lights in my apartment, but we get absolutely no natural light in this shit-box, nor is there a lot of light in my cubbie at work; I think I would kill myself without getting at least some brightness all around for a few hours a day. Sorry, Al Gore. You know I love you and live try to live by my motto What Would Al Gore Do? but I can't be perfect. No one can. And there are few people capable of changing all their ways. But each of us can pick a few little things to be conscious of--that could make a HUGE difference, right?
Case closed!
Case closed!
