Miss Penny Lane

I always tell the girls, never take it seriously.
If ya never take it seriously, ya never get hurt.
Ya never get hurt, ya always have fun...
And if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.

Thursday, April 28, 2011


pregnancy can certainly be a solitary time. i've found that a girl can get pretty lonely at the time when she's technically NOT alone for even a split second. what's that all about? is it that no one can really share in my experience? even those that have had babies themselves? each experience is so individual, and almost impossible to share. maybe it would be easier if i had pregnant friends, but who else is 40 and on their first kid? most of my pals are either not having kids, or have kids who are already in their teens. it was impossible to bond with anyone at the breastfeeding center. we were all jammed into a corner space, plus every other woman seemed so young and, well, not my type. ah, sigh. i need to find friends with babies the age of my baby, right? what if i don't want new friends?? :)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

one born every minute

i never really finished a single thought in my previous post about this show. so here's something maybe a little more coherent.

One Born Every Minute takes place in the labor & delivery department at Riverside Methodist Hospital in Columbus, Ohio! you with me here? not only was my baby sister born in that hospital when i was almost 11, but i spent my first 18 years seeing that hospital from the highway at least a few times a week back & forth to temple/hebrew school/sunday school/psychiatrist... in recent years my father's cancer was cured (in part) at that hospital, so i felt very connected to this show from the first of it i heard. oh, that, and i'm knocked up, so i figured i should watch a show about women going through labor & delivery.

48 cameras (i could be making up that number) have been embedded in the labor & delivery unit at this hospital, and they film 24/7. each hour-long episode follows 3 or 4 birth stories from check-in to check-out--labor & delivery. as you'll see from the previous post (when i got distracted from my whole point by a teen mother), they've covered everything from surrogate mother giving birth (to twins) and giving them away to the new parents; to a lesbian couple, one is carrying twins, but they're not from the same donor & one donor is white and one donor is black and they have one black baby and one white baby; to a couple of sportscasters just having a baby, but driving each other nutso; to a lady with the most HILARIOUS breathing sounds--i almost had to mute the tele--she took herself SO seriously, and the nurses were bustin' on her.

it's a great show.
that being said, i feel like this has been my education. columbus, ohioans giving birth--what better preparation for labor & delivery could i ask for? and it's free! i'm ready to go.

oh! and the show is narrated by jamie lee curtis! LOVE!

i mean, really?

i'm sorry. i just can't get past the fact that everything upon which this song is based is a big fat GRAMMATICAL ERROR. i mean, really? NO ONE pointed that out to the band? surely the band was aware and just decided that they didn't care that their otherwise enjoyable song was being tainted. how am i meant to listen to this song and take it seriously when all i can think of is "me & you, dumbass!!" thanks to my mother for this, by the way.

oh, and just in case you don't know the trick to knowing whether or not to use "you & i" or "me & you," i'll let you in on the secret: remove "you" from the sentence. is it still a proper sentence? in this case it would be "ballad of i." you wouldn't say that. you'd say "ballad of me." well, hopefully, you wouldn't say either, but that's beside the point. hopefully you're smart enough to figure out another example for yourself.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

damn tourists

look at the pretty ducks who hang out at National Geographic:

now look at the stupid tourist boy (& mother, not pictured) who can't read the 20 signs saying to STAY
TEN FEET AWAY so that the mother duck doesn't get freaked and abandon her babes. i wish i'd pushed him in the pool, but then he'd be even closer to the ducks. don't worry, i made sure that when my friend came along, i said loudly enough for the mother to hear: "why is it that no one is paying attention to the signs?"

unfortunately, it wasn't just tourists today who really pissed me off downtown. what's wrong with these next two photos? take a look and then i'll tell you.

the guy in photo above is a member of the staff at H&M. and look at the dept we're in. CHILDREN. maybe that's beside the point. but, how....just. hmm, i mean, how is that even comfortable? doesn't he always feel like he's one second from losing his pants altogether? and, just...why?
if he's going to do that, can't he at least wear underoos with some characters or something? superman? aqua man? this dude's underwear ain't even cute. i'm really sorry that he has no ass, but there are solutions.

alls i gotta say about the photo above is that i am 7 months pregnant and i was standing. and, clearly, not standing too far away from the dude. i really didn't want the seat--i wanted the offer, and i'm sure some other people would have, as well. i sent this to HA!

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

latest fun finding....

i now have thunder-thighs.

i truly believe that i could have started a fire yesterday when i boldly stepped out in shorts. short-shorts, yes, but shorts that i can still wear under my belly, just no longer i thought i'd been good about keeping active and all that jazz so i wouldn't gain in completely irrelevant-to-pregnancy areas, like arms and upper, inner thighs, but surprise! it's gross. and painful. and just horribly uncomfortable to walk around. i know that longer shorts could be the easy-fix, but it's not like i have dollars laying around for maternity shorts. well, i could find extra money if i could find the right shorts. oh boy. the clothes are just...let's just say that options are few. and for a smaller/shorter pregnant person...well. and not all pregnant women wanna wear khaki safari shorts or denim 5" short. if you've been paying attention, you know that my thighs aren't diggin' that exposure right now.

i have had luck at a maternity consignment store (brilliant), but not with pants. tops are easy. but then again, this is the story of the life of a shorty, knocked up or not--tops are easy.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011


I've been saying this quote for 24 yrs. and now the time is upon me when it's no longer "someday."

Saturday, April 02, 2011

am i a horrible mother because...

...i have to look at an iPhone app to be sure i answer correctly when asked "how many weeks are you?"?

...i tried as i could, and had some early success, but i just have to have my coffee? ...every morning? just like before?

...i just spent an hour dancing to music that i wouldn't necessarily want my baby to hear? to flash forward a few months in my life, but with music that's probably offensively worse, CLICK BELOW.