I always tell the girls, never take it seriously.
If ya never take it seriously, ya never get hurt. Ya never get hurt, ya always have fun...
And if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
A New Case for MPL, FPW
Miss Penny Lane, Fashion PoliceWoman, that is...
So far, this is one of my easiest cases ever--didn't even have to reach for the 'cuffs. Simply put, the guy is handsome, well groomed, and dressed really well--a real silver fox! His wife (see platinum wedding band) is lucky; however, said wife should have told silver fox that there are only 2 or 3 occasions on which you're allowed to wear those pants:
1) the office holiday party 2) a jcrew catalog shoot 3) a wedding in scotland on december 24th
here are my two favorites from gold cup. i know it is gold cup, but these outfits have WAY too much going on. with a few tweaks, a can of lighter fluid, and a match, these people could have been saved. now i'm not saying my outfit woulda won any prizes, but i'm a catty bitch so sue me. actually, my dream job has always been to be a FPW (fashion police woman); i've spent a LOT of yrs working in different areas of the fashion industry, so it isn't that much of a stretch. i would never be mean, i would only give tips, and i would LOVE it. maybe i can start a new show with tim gunn. MAKE IT WORK! and a couple of me & my friends (feel free to rip us apart).
vonkie had won the previous bet--i'm trying to steal her winnings from her boob.
it's a freakin' miracle that this is just a reenactment of kris at past gold cups. and he didn't streak or get arrested this year!
my baby-baby, MPL, and our dear friend hoval (his name is daval and he uses a cane; daval + hobble = hoval!)
in ~annie leibovitz ~jeopardy (partly to feel smart, but mostly to mock trebek) ~vanity fair (i'm still on the earth issue--it takes a long time to get through those suckers!) ~chuck klosterman (he will always be "in") ~bassett hounds ~big tippers at Johnny's (and the hot bartender who deserves it) ~watching that hot bartender plan our trip to spain ~being #40 on fafarazzi's top chef game! out of 1386--woot. :)
out ~the cyrus camp's denial & the whole controversy in general--enough! ~this cold rainy crappy weather ~putting the word "day" after "set-up" in outlook ~never hearing back from the WMATA (they usually respond with some amusing bullshit) ~the lawsuit with rob lowe and the nannies ~tom cruise on oprah ~those awful barilla pasta commercials ~my nasty feet in desperate need of a pedi ~the angie stone song where she names every black person she can think of. here's my take--put a beat behind it: shalom out to all my Hebes--all my Jewie Jews out there! my zionist bitches! hail hillel, ya a-e-phi's! holla to the sammies and the japs with the nose jobs! to the MOT, i say "nu, baby! put me in your movie!" my last name be schulie. oy... we have ben gurion and yitzchak rabin, brandeis woulda loved shabbat with amanda peet! bugsy siegel, yo, all the arquettes, mel brooks! ben stiller! woody allen! joe lieberman! hank azaria, golda meir! next year in jerusalem with jon stewart and gene simmons...shalom and out.
hey, the beastie boys are all jewish, so it ain't such a stretch, but my point is that the angie stone song sucks almost as much as my version. xoxo,MPL
P.S. favorite quote from the office this week:
"stanley is a beautiful sassy powerful black man..."
Runners Up:"sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts when kids are mean to her at school" "pam has clearly given up trying." "leave me alone dammit. did i stutter?"
Case closed!
Case closed!
