laura bush loves my boyfriend

i need not say more, except "bring it on, sister!! don't think i won't kick your ass..."

Another Great Show You're Not Watching....

'ello, loves! so, last thursday i found myself home alone, couching for the 5th night in a row. well, thank the gods i'm embracing being more of a homebody (AKA, i'm a loser with no friends), b/c i happened upon the first 2 episodes of this really great new sitcom, miss guided. i didn't know at the time that it is produced by ashton kucher, but he did guest star in 1 of the episodes. it is a really, really cute show!! it stars judy greer, who you know from arrested development (LOVE), what women want (the parts i [unfortunately] saw were stooopid, but she was cute and memorable), the wedding planner (never really saw), 13 going on 30 (unabashedly love), etc. judy greer is fantastic--mark my words, this chick is going far. she plays becky, a high school guidance counselor whom, it seems, graduated from this high school, as did smarmy vice principal, bruce, perfectly performed by snl alum, chris parnell. greer really puts herself out there as becky by showcasing her real-life awkward teen photos in the opening of the show and through-out episodes as needed. i really enjoy her relationships with the students and the teachers at the school, and her interspersed commentary. oh, here's the imdb description: A single-camera comedy centered on a woman (Greer) who returns to her high school alma mater to become a guidance counselor. much better than my lame-o description! brooke burke plays lisa, one of the teachers, who is the prom queen to greer's frizzy-haired brace-face. 'member the principal's secretary in ferris beuller's day off? she is in the show, too. OMG, tonight's ep has a whole BREAKFAST CLUB MONTAGE! is there anything better?? oh, there is--a whole breakfast club theme. love this show.


btw, judy greer was on letterman last night sporting the longest, most gorgeous red hair (NOT the pic over there). either she got extensions, or this show was filmed prior to the writer's strike (thank gods that hot mess is over). anyway, 2 new eps are on right now, so see ya...

isn't it ironic

so, hot little mama, lou, and i were having dinner (hot little mama got wasted, it was embarrassing!). anyway, who walks in, but ben affleck, jennifer garner, and their kid, violet?! they are in town b/c he is filming state of play with robin wright-penn (when will she drop the penn?), jason bateman (!!!), russell crowe, and rachel mcadams. see this old post, and this one--i take it all back! the afflecks can move here anytime, and violet is a beautiful name! it was so cool! they are so effing NORMAL--no bodyguards, no fanfare, just a young family kickin' it in georgetown for dinner. puffer jackets, jeans, sneaks, and a stroller. so, where did we have dinner? that's the irony:


so, ben is really thin. he looks young. and jennifer is just adorable. and i just realized--jen and jason played husband and wife in juno! so, i wonder if jen hangs out with jason's wife? maybe they need a babysitter?! wow, there's some cool peeps in town! NOW i know what kb is doing on her day off...she's stalking celebs!

xoxox for now...

MPL

oh, and p.s. in the alanis morissette song ironic, not one of the things about which she laments is actually ironic; they're more, like, just really bad luck.

The Best Show You're Not Watching...

I am a huge fan of The New Adventures of Old Christine. On a night when there is very, very little of any substance on TV, this show is a shining star. Even when I wasn't always the hugest fan of Seinfeld, I was always a fan of Julia Louis-Dreyfus'. I loved her first foray back into sitcom after Seinfeld, Watching Ellie; I knew it wouldn't make it...it was just too good.

I am afraid for Old Christine, too! Even though JLD won an Emmy for her role and the show is highly regarded, nothing can save a program except advertising dollars, which come from ratings. So, all you people with a Nielsen box, start watching!

Speaking of Nielsen boxes, remember that episode of All-American Girl, Margaret Cho's first sitcom? Her family was selected to have a Nielsen box, and they never left the couch--they felt so much pressure to keep shows alive. It was hilarious. Speaking of Margaret Cho, luh-her! She was on Chelsea Handler last night (luh-her, too!), and it turns out that Margaret will be in DC on APRIL 10th!! I've seen her twice before, and she is fantastic! And now she finally has an all-new show. So, who wants to go??

P.S. A dingo ate your baby...

UPDATE! 9:18 p.m.: My friend Iwonka says she's stopping by for a glass of wine and a cigarette. She says she must leave by 10:30. Whom amongst us is brave enough to place a wager on when she'll leave? Midnight? Eleven? I shall let you know, young grasshoppers!

Sometimes I like the feeling of sand in my hair...

(Updated 3/13)
As usual, I turned on the TV right when I walked in the door after work; but not as usual, I decided to watch Katie Couric and the CBS Evening News instead of TMZ. Wow. Now I am depressed. Who knew that bread prices are up 17%? Americans spend $3 billion on bread each year--this is huge! Demand for wheat is up, droughts keep production down, fuel prices are hiking up the costs even more! I mean a box of spaghetti is, like, 30 cents more than it was last year. American families are feeling the pressure on their wallets. (So much for low carbs!) Oh, and fuel is at an all time high! I used to buy my gas for 99 cents at the Citgo (now a Hess or something) on the corner of Fairfax Drive and Wilson Blvd. That was 1998--not THAT long ago. Now it is $3.53. I mean, come on! That's a HUGE difference in less than 10 yrs! And people just sit in their cars wasting gas. The bus ain't SO bad, folks (it provides me with great stories). Oy...and then we start hearing about the war...12 soldiers dead in 3 days--the deadliest it's been in a while. I am riveted, but I am sad. Very sad.

And there's this headline, which just RUINED. MY. LIFE:

Oral Sex And Pot Linked To Cancer

WTF??!! The gods are punishing us. (Or, as my friend, LB, said: "At least we'll die happy!" No wonder I've kept her around for 26 years!)

Voila, a story about Shea Megale, a 12 year old girl who wrote a children's book about her assistance dog. She is darling, and the book is so cute. Check out her website.

Thanks, Katie Couric, for ending on a high note so I can go back to keeping my head in the sand.

xoxo,
MPL

To err is human. To loaf is Parisian.

I'm sorry...Paris Hilton just gets more and more ridiculous every day. So, y'know how she is dating Nicole Richie's baby-daddy's twin bro? (Ya still with me?) Well, that alone is creepy enough, but that's not all. Paris is constantly wearing the brothers' new clothing line (more on that later)--the hoodie, the ring, the necklace, blah, blah, blah--so she is basically just a whore. Maybe he hired her as a spokesmodel and they're not really dating--you heard it here first! Anyway, at his birthday party over the weekend in (where else?) Vegas, she got a GINOURMOUS cake that read "Happy Birthday, Benji. LOVE, PARIS!" Oh, snap, she basically just made IT. ALL. ABOUT. PARIS. The cake couldn't have just said "Happy Birthday, Benji." Nah! She needed everyone to know that they are an item and that the cake was from her (how could it not be--it was the tackiest thing in the room). Ew. You can have him, "The P that's Not Me," I'll take the Paris Latsis' and the Stavros Niarchos' of the world!

So, the thing about the new clothing line. KB forwarded an email last week that was announcing the new line from the Madden Brothers. According to either Dumb or Dumber, they named it DCMA to honor their DC and Maryland heritage. Um, hi! MA is MASS-A-CHU-SETTS; MD is MAR-Y-LAND, and growing up in Waldorf, MARYLAND, is NOT growing up in DC. Sorry, boys; same as the Baltimorons, y'aren't from DC. One more thing, DCMA also stands for the Defense Contract Management Agency. Ya don't want that to be the first thing that comes up when someone Googles your clothing line. If only they'd known that Maryland is MD, the first thing that woulda come up when one Googled their line is a company offering independent financial solutions for vehicle management. Woot!

My coworkers and I saw Paris twice during this last trip to Vegas. Just as she did in August, she walked by our booth on the way to and from the Dollhouse booth; they produce "her" denim line, so she graces them with her presence for 2 hours, texting constantly while checking her reflection in the mirror, occasionally acknowledging the buyers who expect her to know at least SOMETHING about the new line. The photo there is of her at the August tradeshow looking mizzerable. Let's say it in French, shall we: mizz-air-ah-bluh! Love it! KG, LG, and I have far too much fun to ever look like that at the show!! By the way, I Googled Paris' denim line so I could have good Webiquette and link to it, but all roads led to NO WHERE! HA! It isn't even for sale at Kitson anymore. Ha ha ha ha. How cute.

Oh, when she walked by our booth on her way into "work" this time, she was on her cell, pretending, I'm sure, to talk to someone just so she looked busy. The second time she walked by, on her way out of the gig and on her way to making an ARSE outta herself at LAX, she looked right at me. From a foot away. I looked right in her dilated pupils and said "Hey, Bitches." Ha! Anyway, a friend of mine and Kurt's was there at the Luxor when it all went down...until I get him to transpose his recollection of that night's events, I'll just say that she pulled another one of those drunken 3 minute mumblings on the mic--where the F*&# is her publicist?? That was the 2nd time in a week that she made ass outta herself by grabbin' the mic at a club when she was WASTED. Either the girl knows how to look hot even when she is wasted or these are before she had a few bumps in the loo-- you decide.

BTW, All this blogging and Facebooking is making my nails HAWT! They're growin' like Mother Fuckahs. ;) Wow, as I get older, and I am getting older, I am starting to notice how my hands look so much like my Grandma's. Grandma Martha. She and I were soul mates. For good and for bad, I inherited a lot of G'ma Martha's "stuff." The physical resemblances are found in my hands, the "eleven" between my eyes, my height, and my curly locks; the emotional similarities...well, that's another post, another time...

xoxo,
MPL

Grease Lightening!

I remember seeing Grease in the theatre on opening night. It was mid-June and I had just turned 7. My dad, brother, and I sat close to the front row near the middle of the aisle; I was riveted from the opening scene. It was amazing. I bought the soundtrack (a double LP) and for years after would play out scenes from the movie in my bedroom. Sometimes I would put on a black leotard, pull the shoulders down to mid-biceps, and shove stuffed animals in my chest to make boobs, emulating Sandy's outfit at the fun-house.

I had an invitation from KB on Facebook to take a quiz on Grease. This quiz was tough, and I was sure I had gotten several wrong. Lo & behold, I got 100%! That was my proudest moment of the week.
The show "quarterlife" is a-ma-zing. I was crushed to hear that it was already cancelled. It is such a sad world when "Survivor" lasts 20 seasons, but a show as intelligent and groundbreaking as "quarterlife" can't make it a whole season. I can't even begin the describe this show, you just have to see it and read about it. Follow the link to the Web site.

xoxo,
MPL

Why, Aidan??

So, John Corbett did a voice-over for Applebee's. There is nothing lower. I am heart-broken. Almost as heart-broken as I was last night when I found out that BlackSalt discontinued their squid-ink risotto cakes--don't even get me started...

While we're on the topic of celebs selling out, I am speechless (!!) in regard to Robert Plant & Alison Krauss selling their BRAND NEW song to JC Penny. Jesus! Is nothing sacred? "Killing the Blues" had instantly scored a spot on my list of all-time faves, but now?? What am I supposed to do now??

Sigh...

New Locks

Lou called me ethereal. Wow!